My old friend

I can feel it coming. The sadness that i know will lead to depression. its this cold feeling in the middle of my chest and slowly moves to my whole body. it can hit me so fast. i hate going to bed. thats when its the worst. when everyone else is asleep and im still up. when all the lights are out and you lay there and you know you should be asleep and you want to be but you just cant seem to get there. so there i am, laying in bed wishing it would just leave me alone. some days its better, some days im ok even great. but then there are the bad days. where i want to go to sleep and wake up a week from now and everything be better. i cant focus, cant think, i just lay there. i read, watch tv, anything to get my mind off of me. something else for me to think about for a little while. but when i come back it almost seems worse. i think the worst thing is how fast it hits me. i can be fine and out of nowhere i seem to loose all emotion. i can feel my face fall, my body go numb. its the worst feeling in the world. i want it to go away. i want to be free of this.